recently

recently.png

don’t worry people, after this we’ll go back to regular content.

then again, nothing is really regular on here.

but i mean.

your regular irregularity.

๐Ÿ˜€

plant2-2

thank you for every single person who prayed, comment, reposted, and reached out. *cries* i honestly didn’t expect the amount of support coming in but i can tell you that i appreciate it. like, the most. thank you. we’re still kinda in need of donations and prayer, but what’s new? enough people have given to fund a good chunk of the needs, and there is no way i can say thank you enough.

so yeah, that’ll be insanely cool. ๐Ÿ™‚

it’s weird, it’s really weird. emotionally, i’ve been all over the place, and my mental health (like, everyone else’s) hasn’t been the greatest. life is hard, school is annoying, i tried calling my therapist but he was busy, and basically everything is abstract and random and i can’t make any sense of it.

and then… yeah.

nothing makes sense anymore.

but i get the feeling that hey, maybe that’s not bad after all. y’know?

someone once told me to take it a day at a time. and i think they’re right.

plant2-2

also, i don’t even know how everyone in the blogsphere is being this productive. you guys have outlines of nano projects and story arcs and characters and wips and are absolutely crushing, which is amazing. and then i’m over here writing strange drabble that doesn’t make sense like

Parker gently patted her back. โ€œThere there.โ€ย 

โ€œThis is it. This is the pinnacle of everything wrong in Chinese tradition.โ€

โ€œwhat?โ€

โ€œI saw that on Youtube somewhere.โ€ Levy morosely allowed Parker to help her up, and she placed her glasses back on her face in wounded dignity. โ€œTake me to the scene of the crime.”

โ€œLevy, I truly worry about your emotional being.โ€ย 

โ€œAh, I traded that for meat buns.โ€

and no, no that’s not my wip.

also i had to quit inktober because stress. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ so wah.

but it’s funny. i forgot how relieving writing is. which is terrible for a writer.

so maybe you were dreaming
but maybe you were not
and the things that lived a fantasy
are waiting to be brought

out, of the shadows
into the light of reality
though it’s broken in pieces
of what it used to be

november is going to be… interesting, let’s just say.

plant2-2

what else should i mention? should i talk about the projects that still remain secret and involve all sorts of delightful and weird things? should i talk about the stuff i wanna ramble about if i just had the headspace for it? should i talk about how mad i am that i spelled headspace “headpscase”? should i mention how the day feels dreary and dopey and then one after the other, it get better?

NO I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THAT PARAGRAPH NOOOOOOOOOO

and it’s like this. all the time. this rush of excitement in a mundane existence, where you truly do not know what’s going to happen, where you will go, or what you will do.

and you wanna p e e k into the future. see what’s coming next. you want the surety of the known with the thrills of the unknown, and you sigh because it doesn’t work that way. it never has.

the only way to keep moving is to look ahead.

which is virtually impossible when ooh! shiny book! ooh, nice tree! wah, what on earth is that thing over there?

and on this path of life, you want to sit and eat the rest of the granola bars.

so.. so yeah.

it be like that recently.

but recently will soon be the distant past, and i wonder where we’ll all be when that comes to be?

i get it. it’s too much to take in. that’s okay.

calm down. dance in the rain. go listen to some ben platt.

we are going to be okay.

okay? ๐Ÿ™‚

~so wake me up when it’s all over, jo~

24 Replies to “recently”

  1. *smiles* Your posts are great. ๐Ÿ˜€ GOOD LUCK IN NOVEMBER, I’m sure you’ll write amazing things! I haven’t the slightest hint of a plan but I’m going for it anyway. “you want the surety of the known with the thrills of the unknown” was my favorite part of this. That, and “I saw that on Youtube somewhere.โ€ Those are some extremely entertaining characters. XD

    Liked by 2 people

  2. YES JO! I’ve honestly been feeling really similarly (that’s a word). I keep wanting to know what I don’t know and I feel like I don’t trust myself enough to be productive in the future dhfbdbhfhc sorry future Bay. Anyways, I love that you’re here expressing your thoughts like a boss. Also ugh to that busy therapist but I hope you can give him a call again. Have a great day Jo! Everything WILL be okay.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ahhhhh love your future bay bay you’re gonna need her sooner than you know. and stahp it feels like me liveblogging my thoughts.
      wait.
      *cue facepalm gif*
      thankya! *high fives*

      Like

  3. I love this post so much! I feel like I say that with all of your posts, but that’s because ALL OF YOUR POSTS ARE SO GOOD. Good luck with everything! And I hope your therapist gets some time freed up, that’s awful. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
    One time I misspelled ‘tan’ as ‘town’, and I just sat there staring at the screen for a few minutes afterwards.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I could really feel you in this post and hope things start to look up. Hoping is pretty much the only thing we can do, right?
    And I know what you mean with everyone being super motivated and stuff. The only thing that hs kept me going is either my encouraging fry-ends or the fear of failing and not meeting my goals.

    Like

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