life is an anomaly and you’re gonna survive it

life is an anomaly and you're gonna survive it.png

at the time of writing, it is october the first.

a couple months ago, i didn’t even know if i’d live to see the next day.

and i think about that. i think about that a lot as i groan from dying in school, to applying to audition for another school that probably won’t take me, to working out credits, jobs, schedules, and money for another school that i didn’t realize how bad i wanted to go to, to getting an email for a job that i forgot i wanted, to finding little opportunities tucked here and there, to groaning because i’m tired of living and my meh face is my permanent expression, because by all rights, i shouldn’t be here.

and yet i am.

it’s a God move. it’s a total God move. there is no other explanation for how i went from not having anything to live for to having too much to live for. there’s no other explanation for being hurting and being tired and yet clinging on to a hope that feels so far away. it’s like God intentionally put all of this and went “you gotta trust that I’ll carry you, okay kiddo?”

to which i reply “will there be pasta cause i loveeeeeeeeeee pasta.”

i still have problems. i still have struggles. i’m not emotional healthy yet, i’m not spiritually stable yet, and i’m not the bright and happy kid i used to be. i’m scared, i’m stressed, i’m lonely, and i’m anxious about the future, and i’m tired of life.

yet despite that, i still want to live.

that’s gotta account for something.

maybe this is the point where i learn to let go and trust God will catch me. maybe this is where i don’t stress about the SAT exams, don’t stress about the scholarships, don’t stress about the auditions, do the horrid algebra, and watch endgame in my cozy blanket as i think of my new job, and maybe this is where i’ll exist until i can break free and live the life i’m so scared of.

i might not be on as much.

uhm. i might not be as bright as much.

and i’ll probably have to have this hammered into my head over and over until 1170 is over and i’ll dying back at college.

but for the first time i’m living past tomorrow. i’m not throwing away my shot, because i’m young scrappy and hungry and ultimately God’s got me and i am not throwing away my shot.

this is a selfish post. this is a rambly post. and this post, like everything else, won’t make any sense in a few weeks time. but the thing about life is that it’s shared, so even if one person sees this, then it was worth spilling my guts to the web because guess what dork?

you’re gonna be in God’s hands. you’re gonna be okay. it doesn’t feel like that now, but know that deep inside you, you reeeaaaaaaaly want to live til disney plus releases the falcon and bucky show. you do want to live. you reaaaaaly want to see season four of stranger things, you reallly want to begin new chapters of your life, and even if you don’t believe in God, God believes that you are precious and valuable so don’t you dare give that up.

like, come on. frozen 2 is coming in a few weeks. hang on til then.

do the algebra. do the homework. apply for the school. go to that support group. wake up and spam my inbox (i’m so not joking i may not always reply in time but if you need it PLEASE PLEASE TALK TO ME. i can’t claim to be certified but i can be there. from a blog tour to a funny joke, legit, ANYTHING. we cool?) eat. drink. watch a stupid youtube video that’s more meaningful than you know.

live you weirdo!!! liVE!!

God’s got you. life is tiring. but it is so worth it.

and not saying i know from personal experience, but i sorta do.

~when you’re living on your knees you rise up, jo~

37 Replies to “life is an anomaly and you’re gonna survive it”

  1. Jo, I swear we are the same person in two different bodies and situations. I don’t understand how you seem to know and feel what I’m feeling. (Don’t take this too literally, we’re obviously different people, just very similar)

    Liked by 3 people

  2. i feel you. life is tough but you’re right, we are in God’s hands. we ARE gunna make it! even if things aren’t ok now, it does NOT mean it’s the end.… and also, just like maya said, your writing also gives me hope ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Frozen 2 is coming. That alone is why we need to keep on pushing. But thankfully, it’s not the only one.
    But you ARE still the bright, happy kid you used to be. She’s been shadowed by rough stuff, but she never left. She’s still there. She’s still you. Don’t lose her. ❤️
    Lovely post. ❤️❤️❤️ It’s okay to rant, sometimes we need to. (I am also here if you need an ear.)

    Liked by 3 people

    1. ikr? like g a s p a sequel! and you’re so right, there are a myriad of reasons to keep on keeping on.
      you’re kind penny ❤ and maybe, just maybe she'll come back. idk. ❤
      all the thanks penny. all the thanks.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. “it’s like God intentionally put all of this and went “you gotta trust that I’ll carry you, okay kiddo?””
    This is just…yes, YES JO ❤ My parents use to really REALLY worry about me — at one point they went to a Pastor (S.M. Davis) to ask for advice, they didn't think I knew they were talking about me, but I did. And standing there on the side, knowing they were talking about me, knowing the Pastor was telling them that I'd be just fine and just to give it time — I always thought "no, no I'm not fine, but you don't need to worry — because God's got me"
    Through every trial, every new emotional strain, every mountain and valley and raging seaside storm — He's holding me hand. He always has. Because if He didn't I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be with my family, I wouldn't be in college or have a blog or live apart from the darkest paths of the world. But I am, and I do, and I'm not out there in the world — because all these problems of mine are blessings in disguise, trials that are meant to draw me closer to my Savior.
    So yeah, I'll be okay. YOU'LL be okay. Not because everything in this world is suddenly going to become right, not because the dark will vanish, or the hurt and depression and anger will no longer exist. But because God has got me.
    And He's got you.
    And He isn't going to let go. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. preach it sis *fistbumps* just.. yes, everything you said. remind me of that when it gets dark? we can remind each other too, it’ll be an adventure. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. JO
    Every single time.
    Every post.
    And this post will make sense in a week, it WILL matter for every person who finds it in the future. ❤ Because your rambles really do make sense, and everybody can relate to them on some level, I know. Here's some pasta and hugs and aloe vera! ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This whole post just reminds me of Moving Forward by Colony House. I basically only appear on here with music suggestions, but what can I say, music says things better than I can 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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