and i’m just tired

and i'm just tired.png

No more fiction.

*sighs* It’s nice to be back. Especially since you can only tell so much in the realm of once upon a time. It’s weird though, since t e c h n i c a l l y I wasn’t really gone but… it’s been interesting, okay?

Pananaw Divider

Hi, it’s Jo, and you’re reading Late Night Rambles That Never End In Coherency. I’m your host, Jo the Semi Sorta Not Okay Confused Aloe Vera Plant. (I identify as an aloe vera plant now. I am still a yellow bird, just like life is still confusing.)

See, life is interesting. One day you’re trying to figure out how to make it through a day, and the next day you have to plan for four years. There’s a bit of a gap between a day and a year, but we make it work. Somehow.

The trick is how to express all of that without info-dumping, which I’ve never been a master of.

But I’m tired. I’ve been writing and planning and working and hoping and dreaming and falling and accidentally whacking a pole with a notebook because I thought it was an intruder and trying to pick up soggy papers, listening to NF (that’s it I’m a confirmed edgy person) and rapping His Story and Hamilton and having to explain my music choices to various individuals and getting stuck listening to BTS and then being left alone with my sole companion my MP3 player and meeting people I never thought I’d meet and on one hand this is something that’s never happened in life before and on the other hand this is all a normal Tuesday.

That was a reference. Credits aren’t mine.

And yet at the same time… there’s a lot of things to be grateful for, y’know? I mean, there’s life, but it’s the things in it. Krispy Kreme donuts. “Take as you will!” signs. Hugs. Lots of hugs. Ice cream with pretzels in them. Voice acting. SDCC. (OKAY OKAY TANGENT I WAS IN PUBLIC WHEN I WAS WATCHING THE MARVEL COMIC CON PANELS AND I LEGIT WAS SCREAMING SO LOUD A BUNCH OF PEOPLE ASKED IF I WAS OKAY MARVEL FANDOM HOW WE FEELING also I kid you not, when the cast for Shang-Chi came up I like… couldn’t breathe. I don’t think a lot of people realize how important representation is and this is so weirdly validating to know someone who looks like me is getting a role and that might sound selfish but I haven’t felt this encouraged in legit years okay tangent over let’s go 2020) 

Air conditioning. Ukuleles. Names. People who care. Grammar. Delta cookies. They’re delicious. Dreams. Reality, occasionally. NF released an album. johnbcrist is hilarious and I don’t even know if I spelled his name right. Chikfila. Late night laughter. Gifted the movie + soundtrack. There’s just so much life to be lived and when you’re me, that’s a big deal.

Although, when you’re you, that’s also a big deal too. 😉

I wish I could be that blogger that’s writing this epic book on the side while being a radiant beam for the Lord! But I’m not. As for book, that’s sorta kinda existing idek and writing? It’s getting there. But it’s not epic. It’s not a book. It’s soft and simple and unusually emotional and it’s really not meant for a platform. I’m just putting it out there like the donuts. “Take as you will!” And honestly, who wouldn’t love to be a radiant beam– if not for the Lord, at least for somebody, right? But I can’t be that either. (Wow. So shocking.) I… I exist, on the human level. And I try, okay? I try. It’s tiring.

It’s also sadly really self-centered, and for that I apologize. Content is rather hard to create that’s not up close, and the details of mine aren’t really that pretty.

But I just wanted to pop in and say thanks for liking it so far, and just validating that if you’re tired… that’s still a good thing. You’ve lived a lotta life.

There’s still so much more to be lived.

So get out there and avoid the bugs. *thumbs up*

Pananaw Signoff

24 Replies to “and i’m just tired”

  1. ‘so get out there and avoid the bugs’ *clap* I love that ending! ❤
    I can relate to what you mean. Life is crazy and unfortunately we don't have control over it. I mean, like, several weeks ago life was harsh and nothing was goin well, next few weeks things go awesome. Life's tough and gives you many tests but I'm 100% certain you can make it through them ALL! But also, as you have proved, there's always good that comes outta the bad. Btw, you don't need to wish to be the perfect blogger because actually, you're one of my fav bloggers, just saying. So keep on going, Jo! *thumbs up*

    P.S. I didn't know you listened to NF, his new album was great!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. *all the hugs for Jo*
    Always praying for you ❤️❤️❤️
    (also jOHN. CRIST. Have you seen his YouTube video called “The Get Offended app”? I have only now come to terms with the fact that I will never make something that funny as long as I live.)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I would give you hugs, but you’ve got scores of those already ^^. So I’ll give you all of the physical Marvel movies, two aloe vera plants, and a whole box of donuts. And maybe just one more hug. ❤ ❤
    You just keep pluggin' on! *can't contain herself so hugs you even more* 🙂


  4. we stan a certified edgy aloe vera plant. ❤ honestly jo, i love these posts. these posts that give you character….you may not be running a big blog and writing a three-book saga on the side, but i feel like i know you a lot better. and i feel your pain/joy/craziness. don't listen to the haters and keep on truckin' 🙂 and remember that your biggest hater is yourself smtimes :] xx tess

    Liked by 3 people

    1. aw, thanksy 🙂 and yay, cause funny story, i was researching all that professional stuffTM and it was like media and platforms and books and i’m like “i jUsT wAnTeD a tAcO” and you know what, i think i’d rather have that connection. ish. thanks tess- for. like. everything

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Your posts are always so deep and thought provoking and honest. ❤ I listen to NF too. You're right. There's always so much to be grateful for. Dystopian novels always remind me of that. (that was kind of random xD)

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I love your soul.
    And your brain.
    I love you.
    We have a psychic connection.

    You’re a brilliant aloe vera plant and yellow bird.

    I’ll read any book you write because soft and emotional and take as you will is what the world needs.

    You are deeply radiant.

    And you will be okay.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. we really do have a psychic connection weez


      ……okay, that really honestly all the “lys” means so much to me thank you

      I’d say so are you, because it’s true

      and i sure hope so

      Liked by 2 people

  7. “One day you’re trying to figure out how to make it through a day, and the next day you have to plan for four years.”

    I think in the process of exposing your own heart, you’re exposing mine, too.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Reading this on the WordPress reader, I got recommended a post about aloe vera, which I thought was kind of funny. Keep on trucking, you aloe vera plant.
    I don’t watch a lot of movies anymore, but I’m so happy you’ve finally got an Asian superhero. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. See, look at this. Representation for aloe veras everywhere! And thanks. 🙂
      oooh, yes. Though now that I think about it, we did have some in the X-men.. but more on that in a later post. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  9. *hugs you really tight* I liked this post, Jo. And you are a beam. Just…A flash light doesn’t get the light, you know? Only those on the other side of the flash light. So you can’t see that you’re beaming.


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