a short// when i fly

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Just you wait and see.
Just you wait. I’m gonna fly and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Nothing! Nothing! When I fly- and I will, just let me get my wings, if I could find them- when I fly, I’ll never touch the ground.

Call me a witch, if you will. Like Elphaba of Wicked– call me wicked! Call me a rebel who defies the order of things, cause guess what? Maybe the order of things is wrong and needs to be changed. Maybe the world isn’t perfect and maybe people should try to fix it instead of letting it go to ashes. Like ashes to ashes and dust to dust, we dress up in black and wait for life to be buried safely, six feet under. Well, sorry if I ruin the procession.

I refuse to let go even when other people are “chill” with it. Chill.

Not me.

Not now.

Not ever.

The only chill I’ll get is when I reach into the sky and shoot off into space, looking at how small the world really is from up so high. And I’ll get there too.

The bills need to be paid. I’ll pay them. School’s expensive. I’ll break every dollar I have. Dreams don’t come for free. Then whatever it takes, whatever it takes.

I’ll give until I have nothing else to give, and when I’ve given that, then I’ll fly. I’ll fly.

Just you wait.
Just you wait and see.

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a short // just maybe i’m dreaming

(got nothing but fiction for now, so… uh, enjoy?  :) to those wondering, Thor and his “get help” is proving beneficial. 😉 )

And just maybe I’m dreaming.

I wonder what a dream looks like. I’ve only ever been in one. Like when you’re in an airplane and you go inside a cloud, seeing the grey wisps brush against a window, if you’re lucky enough to sit next to one. Would a dream look like that, all wispy and soft, like cotton candy just before it disappears into the oblivion?

Because the inside of a dream is more solid than anything I’ve ever seen.

But maybe that’s the problem. I see, therefore I believe, yet life has proven over and over and over again that eyes lie. What’s safe is deadly. What’s calm is full of turmoil. And what’s loving is the worst thing possible.

“You okay?” someone asks me, and I nod from my corner.

I’m doing wonderful.

And for some reason, I’m telling the truth. I am doing wonderful—wonderful despite the million thoughts racing around my head, wonderful despite the thoughts that used to scream into the night and have muted themselves to mutters, wonderful despite being so uncertain of who I am, where I am, and why I am. And finding those answers. Finding that maybe what my eyes see and what life gives me is, for once, solid.

That’s why I worry it’s just a dream. It’s too good to be true.

But I’ll take it. I’ll take it gladly.

I pick up the book they give us all when we come to the Refuge, flipping through its pages. I don’t understand it, but just maybe I will.

And hey, just maybe what I’m dreaming will be reality.

a short// if i fall

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(look, i know what i said about sad endings but this isn’t even completed, so… enjoy. 🙂 )

(yes this is completely fiction not related to me thank you)

If I fall.


If I fall, maybe you’ll catch me.

I don’t expect you to, so I don’t ask. I don’t deserve to be caught, even if you insist on it.

But then the truth that I have to admit to myself, despite hiding it from everyone who has ever asked, is I want to be caught. Desperately.

I’ve been

f

a

l

l

i

n

g

.


Free falling.
Always falling and waiting for the impact, for the ground to kiss me and leave me permanently undone, knees buckling under the weight of such a gesture of affection. It’s far above what I deserve and maybe I should be grateful- grateful that I am allowed to die that way, instead of choked to death on the spot like I should be right now.

But you keep asking how I am, wherever I am. You call from time to time, saying I was on your mind. You buy me coffees and jog with me and smile and say whatever happens to us, you’ll still be there.

And I want to cave in- I want to trust that you’ll catch me.


But if I’m falling maybe you shouldn’t even try anyway.

what happens when you let a rabid character lead an interview// blog tour thing with emmie

A fairly new ADD charrie. A new lifestyle blog with an inspiring + aspiring blogger. 10 or so questions. Zero pressure and an intro stolen straight from The Late Late Show with James Corden.

What could possibly go wrong?

Ricky, take it away.

*waves* HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI. HI! It’s Ricky and Jo drug (hold on is drug even a word yikes isn’t that what people take when they get sick or is it not the past tense of dragged help what is the purpose of life I want my mommy) me to interview a special blogging friend of hers, Emmie from American Girl World!

Did I get that right? I sure hope I did. It’s really hard to get anything right when you’re usually left, y’know? But that’s not what we’re talking about– we’re talking about the fact that the Emmie, Emerald Phoenix, is launching her own personal bloooooooooooooog!! I sound like a boxing announcer. Yikes.

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Diary of a Daydreamer (is that not a cool name or what and no you can’t object so ha) is launching this week, and pananaw is joining today for a whachamacalit!

Jo intrusion: an INTERVIEW. 

Okay okay don’t yeet Loki into space– an INTERVIEW. But still, cool! So without further ado ado ado ado ado ado adid adone awillbedonebynextthursday say hi to Emmie everyone! *grabs a chair*

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*tries to look important* So… Emmie. Hi!

Hi, Ricky! So happy you could interview me! 😀

Soo I feel like everyone says the “let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start” and I know it’s cheesy but…. how DID you enter the blogging world? Let’s go way back. When did you get your first AG doll?

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When I was in kindergarten, my best friend (she’s actually Taylor from my AG Store videos!) had, like, a million American Girl Dolls, and she would tell me all about them and we would play with them whenever we went to her house. I started getting the catalog in the mail, and for some reason I really wanted Caroline. I begged and begged for her for Christmas, but I ended up getting this blonde, curly-haired Our Generation folk who vaguely looked like Caroline named Lily Anna. I had no idea she wasn’t AG!

I remember going to the AG store with Taylor for the first time and Taylor’s mom not being able to find any Lily Anna books. XD Then, in 2014, Isabelle came out! I was totally in love: she had blonde hair, green eyes, and was a dancer, just like me! I saved up for her, and got her that summer! 

Oooooohhhh cool cool cool! Okay. Well. What’s something you’ve learning through blogging that you think everyone else should know? Cause I mean, newbies and all that jazz. 

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I know this is kind of cliche, but never compare yourself to others. Seriously – when  I was first starting out, I would get super jealous whenever a blog that was newer than me had more followers, and it was hard for me to be happy for people when they reached follower milestones. But then, I stopped paying attention to the stats and the numbers and other people’s followers, and just totally focused on creating quality content.

us with being worried about stats

Then, my follower count started growing and growing! I think bloggers can obsess over follower counts so much because we think of it as a measure of how good our blog is. But in reality, a blog with 30 followers could be “better” than a blog with 100. When we realize the stats are just numbers, when we stop obsessing over follower counts, that’s when our blogs truly grow.

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*nodnod* if I ever start a blog (which I won’t thanks to Jo saying characters can’t start their own blogs but I mean if I did y’know)  I know who to turn to for advice. But like, now I’m really curious– what went into naming the bloggy “Diary of a Daydreamer”? Like, did you have to toss around different ideas (like juggling balls except when I try to juggle I break something) or was it the proverbial spur of the moment, like say you were trying to sleep and then IDEA! Or… yeah, how did that come into being? 

Ooh, so it’s actually both. So, I had this idea for a name in my head for a really long time, and I’d even designed a blog with that name for a while. But it didn’t feel right, and I hated the design. Then, as I lied in bed one night, Diary of a Daydreamer just popped in to my mind and I was like OH MY GOSH YES YES YES.

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But the next morning, I started having some doubts, and then had two more name ideas. Now I had four names that I couldn’t decide between! So I decided to set up some polls on The Young Writer’s Workshop,  my Camp NaNo cabin, and then emailed and texted few friends to ask their opinion. Diary of a Daydreamer won all the polls by a landslide, and I knew it was the perfect one! 

Gotcha.

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Well, I noticed your blog theme thing (which I absolutely love like I can’t even it’s so aesthetic and pink and very very reminiscent of 2018 themes which were good times were they not but ahem this wasn’t about that or goldfish was it) (where did GOLDFISH come from help) had a lot of like, ballerina stuff. One ballerina, but you get what I’m trying to say. Why’d you pick that— ooh, ohh, also, how did you get into the ballet stuff- appreciation, admiration, or actually doing it, whichever it was? 😀 

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Ooh yess! So glad you like my design, haha, and YES 2018 those were the days. I bought this clip art pack from this amazing website called https://PrettyLittleLines.Com, and I found this flower one I used for AGW and a super cute ballerina pack for DD. There was a bunch of different ballerinas in the pack – little ballerinas, brown hair, dark skin, and blonde, so I chose the one who most looked like me to represent me! I’ve been doing ballet since I was three, and I love it so much! I’m now at the level where I have to be serious about it, and I’m training to get my pointe shoes, which is super exciting! Just remembered – need to go stretch after this interview. 

Huh. And by huh I mean “that’s honestly really very interesting” ‘cept I dunno how to say that without looking like a very dispassionate interview dude. So. Uh. Can we talk about writing? We can talk about writing! Yay! What are some of your recent WIPS and how’s Camp Nanny going? (Yeah, I know Jo says it’s Nano but that sounds boring. So.)

I saved this to my phone just to black out the curse words so I could pin this BECAUSE YES THANK YOU WHOEVER SAID THIS

Ooh, I love this question! My current WIP is a novel based on my AG doll Paris, as she has to give up everything she’s ever known (including basketball) because her parents are making her attend this boarding school (which they have a super secret reason for but they tell her it’s because of a better curriculum) and she meets new friends and new enemies and has to fight to get basketball back. That was a bad synopsis, haha, but that’s the general idea.

Another recent WIP is this book called The Huntress, and it’s part of a duology (it might turn into a series or trilogy, idk yet) about this girl called Aspen who’s brother is missing and she has to go to the school that he went missing at, and then she meets this teacher and a new friend and they have to try to prove that there’s a traitor in the school and then the teacher is accused of murder and gets fired and there’s a tree and it’s this whole thing. You know what? It’s complicated. 

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 That was all over the place. I think Jo was an alpha reader? Camp is going awesome! I’m doing something different this year. Instead of words, I’m counting the minutes spent working on blog posts or my WIP. I was on vacation last week, so I’m having to catch up, but it’s going great!

OKAY OKAY I JUST HAVE TO ASK WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON THE EVERPRESENT PUMPKIN SPICE BECAUSE I KID YOU NOT IT IS EVERYWHERE IN FALL WHY. yes that’s the question don’t kill me. 

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The smell is okay, but it smells so artificial and heavy. That’s a weird description. But it bothers me like 

😤

. But the flavor is actually pretty good. 

Aha! (Yes, I mean that.) Aaand now we have to get serious again. So what are you hoping for DD and how do you think you’ll take it so far? (g A s P was I being deep™ I think I was YEET) 

Ooh deep Ricky! I’m hoping that I can create quality content that I’m happy with in the awesome lifestyle genre that people will like. I’m also hoping that I can reach and inspire people to look for the positive and share their story. 

first post!

I think I got most of that. 😀 Switching gears again now… you’re an advocate for type 1 diabetes, right? (Which I think is so awesome cause I’m one for ADD! Even if I’m fictional and whatnot BUT WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THAT) So I was wondering what’s something you wished people would know about type 1 diabetes and just how that’s affected your life? 

Wow, this is a hard question! I guess I wish people would know that I can live a pretty normal life. I’m still just a regular kid – I don’t need any special attention or anything. I’m just…me. But I happen to have T1D.

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Wow. I know that’s what a lot of people say, but wow. *claps* Well, Jo says we gotta wrap it up (in what though, that’s the real question) and I get one more question to ask: what’s a book you think everyone should read? (well, except for the Bible. That almost goes without saying. )

how dare you Sheldon

Kisses from Katie, by Katie Davis. Probably one of the best books I’ve ever read in my entire life. It was absolutely life changing. It made me almost cry because the entire book left me hurting for the kids in Africa, everything Katie’s been through, how I want to be like her. Everyone needs to read this book! (Like, right now. Seriously, go grab a copy.)

Thank you so so so so so so so so so so so so so times infinity times 2 so much for letting my interview you and for starting this new blog! I can’t wait, Jo can’t wait, losta impatient people all around. Seeya later!

You are so so so so so so welcome infinity times three! Haha, I can’t wait either. 

😊

 Thanks for being a part of the tour, Jo, and thanks for interviewing me, Ricky!

*inhales*

Y’know, I think it’s safe to say that went as well as could expected. 😀

Check out Diary Of A Daydreamer here:

The giveaway here:

And all the other great posts here:

The Blog Tour Schedule

7th: Kickoff Post @ American Girl World

First Post @ Diary Of A Daydreamer

8th: Liz @ Home With The Hummingbirds

9th: Bekah Banister @ Questionable Tortoise Couture

10th: Natalie @ Taking the Cake

Emmie @ Standing Firm in My Faith

11th: Morgan McCartie @ Swingsets & Snapshots

12th: Enni @ On The Wings of a Dream

13th: Jo @ Pananaw

Wrapup Posts @ American Girl World & Diary Of A Daydreamer

Thanks for hanging in there people. Have a lovely Saturday and go check out Emmie’s blog! 😀

dear big-time storytellers: you’re allowed to write happy endings

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Hey Disney. Pixar. Marvel. Hollywood. Everyone not Hollywood. Everyone not in the movie world. Everyone in the movie world. All the letters that stand for something, that stand for the people who’ve created things that have made my childhood. People.

Hi.

I just wanted to say you guys have shaped my life. In every way possible. Life without stories wouldn’t be life, especially without yours.

Y’know, I was scared of Iron Man, of Mike and Sully, of the Parrs– look, I was a scared kid. And then these stories…they kinda helped me see more than just the characters, y’know? Helped me be not as scared? It was like walking into this giant world and never coming back. I’m just dual-existing in earth!2k19 and in Legendaria. That’s on you.

Not that I mind, of course. I don’t. I don’t at all. I’ve lived for weeks at a time in Anne of Green Gables, stuck around for Fantastic Four (why oh why does the Human Torch look so familiar…), it didn’t really matter to me what franchise or what story– it was a story, and it was worth experiencing.

And now I just wanna say…

You guys DO know you can write happy endings?

Like, really?

Cause you totally can. Nobody would feel robbed of anything.

My brother and I, we saw the first Avengers ever at the theater, all those years ago. The only kids to laugh during Loki’s “you will always kneel” scene because “THE SAD GREASY GUY GREW HORNS!”

And then 6 years later the sad greasy guy died. He didn’t even get to put on his horns. And he was just starting to be happy.

Thanks for that.

No, no, I LOVED Endgame, don’t get me wrong– it was a masterpiece for the ages (even if I didn’t see any sun *glowers*) and like.. it’s beautiful. But. Um.

Good storytellers, why oh why did you have to write it like that?!

It’s been months and I honestly, truly can’t get over that ending. And thanks to Far From Home, I doubt I ever will. AND I HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN FAR FROM HOME. BAD TRAINS.

And you Pixar. Toy Story 4? Did you have to make us all die knowing we’ve been dying since April? Did you? Really? WHY.

Don’t even get me started on HTTYD 3. DON’T. GET. ME. STARTED. I might actually cry, and trust me you don’t want that to happen.

I get it, I get it. Stories like these do shock more audiences. Leave them shook. Leave them wanting more. It’s a brilliant strategy. And yeah, all good things must come to an end. That’s true. But nobody said it had to come to a sad ending.

Perhaps a truly happy and safe and fluffy story is best left to the kids, and y’know I get that too.

But I’m not asking for truly fluffy. I’m not asking for safe and happy and sunshine and rainbows. I’m asking for sweetbitter instead of the bittersweet you like to hand us. The world’s sad enough already to be even more sad. Could we cut back on the tears, just a bit? Show a ray of sunlight burst through a blanket of gray clouds. Broken people hugging each other? No dying? Please? No dying if you can possibly help it?

“The world is changing,” Peggy Carter once said, “and none of us can go back.” And yeah, she’s right. You can’t remake those stories, and really, who’d want you to? I certainly don’t.

But Marvel, you’re announcing your newest lineup at a con a couple days from now, right? And Disney, you’re making a bunch more remakes? And Dreamworks, you’ve got something up your sleeve. Or something. So we don’t need to look back now. We can go on ahead to make more stories and more characters to love. I just….. when you make them, just know that… it can be deep without being heartbreaking?

I understand. Stories reflect real life. Real life dashes more hearts than Endgame ever will. But it’s not all blood and sweat and tears.. right? There’s some good, there’s some happiness? Something to smile about and have no fears about anyone dying or leaving or–

Who knows what I’m rambling about anymore.

I’ll just say I think stories that have happy endings are still valid and go. And if you could all see it in your hearts to write some, that’d be great.

Thank you for everything– I really mean that. And I can’t wait for whatever you all have next planned. 🙂

sincerely,

someone in the crowd

in which the blatantly obvious fact that i don’t belong is made known to the respective persons to whom this fact would be relevant

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When my parents had the bright idea of dragging their gaggle of children to the city park, daring and adventurous me answered the call with, “you’ve GOT to be kidding me.”

Oh yeah. So bold. So carefree. The kid who would gladly stay in the bottom bunk of her room with a laptop, internet, and snacks– and AC. That’s important. I’d switch places with Rapunzel if Mother Gothel was an actually decent human being, come to think of it. That girl is looooaded– food, books, wall art? Who would want to leave?

Hence the dragging part of “dragging their gaggle of children.”

It also applies to “dragging my scooter to the skate park because my brother thinks it’s life and realizing three fundamental truths at the exact same time”.

Number one: I’m edgy, but not skatepark edgy. Which is the level of edgy you have to be to do crazy cool things like jump into the air with a board in one hand and zero self-preservation in the other.

Number two: There was no way I was going to fit in. And that’s kinda important if you don’t want eyes on you the whole time. I was the only girl, only unexperienced girl, only one with the wrong kind of scooter, and apparently you are supposed to have helmets and I didn’t. Yay for greenhorns.

Number three: That rush when you descend from a ramp is pretty amazing.

Oh, and number four: I definitely didn’t belong there.

Hence “dragging self away from park into the kiddy jungle gym.”

Also “a total drag in everything you can think of.”

Naturally, I went to the kiddy playground.

It was tinier than I remembered. And I could see kids half my size try things I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing at their age and now I just sigh. Too late, too old, too scared.

I don’t belong.

I don’t belong. Yay! Too skinny for sports, too old for those kiddy games, too scared to run because I don’t wanna drop my mp3, too blind to see that there’s a big fence blocking me from where I wanna.

I run into a fence.

Pathetic.

I love musicals but I can’t sing. I love acting but I’m awkward. I love writing but I’m always stuck on the first draft. I love sports but– yeah, we know how well that goes. I don’t belong.

Maybe if I started earlier. Maybe if I had the same interests everyone else did when I could’ve. Maybe, maybe, maybe. All these maybes and never for sures.

But then there’s this part of me that keeps popping up and it says something along the lines of Yeah. You’re terrible at this. But you also get a big kick outta it, don’t you?

And I guess Tiny Annoyance has a point. I jump the fence, swing on the bars, swoop down on the ramps, do a little jump on my scooter, and hey, maybe the rest of me is awkward and totally not in their element, but I’m enjoying this. There’s a hill and I don’t climb it for the view but cause it’s a hill. What else would you do with it?

It’s like what that guy Tim Tebow said in his book (rip man) “Hard work beats talent wen talent doesn’t work hard.”

Or maybe that pin on Pinterest that went something like “just because I can’t do it today, doesn’t mean I can’t some day.

Or, y’know. Nike. “just do it.”

Perhaps one day I can belong. Sit on the tallest ramp with a bunch of other people and drink la croix like a cool person. But for now, I don’t need that. I need to just do it.

Its like the old lady who was watching me look up at the tall bars, feeling tiny, and gave me the Nod of Affirmation, the kind that says “hello fellow not-belonging-to-stereotypes-person.” After I dropped for the third time, she carefully adjusted her head covering and gave it a try too.

And fell.

But she was laughing and I thought “well, huh.”

I don’t need to belong to do the things I love.

I need to just do it.

Which I know I already said, but y’know, just putting that out there for future references.

that would be enough

Hi world. Hi July. I’m Jo and I don’t think we’ve met before.

I’ve been better, I’ve been worse, I’ve chased after pretty girls

I’ve seen a couple places that I never thought I’d see

I’ve walked into harder times, I’ve walked out the other side

It seems like you end up getting what you need

Yeah looking down from 30, 000 feet

Life’s been good to me

30,000, Ben Rector

It’s such a strange feeling to take things easy for once. But it’s like… pretty cool. And by cool I mean sit-back-and-not-worry-about-anyone-dying-in-any-fandom cool. *inhales*

So I kinda wrote a guest post *mindblown* Yeah, apparently Garrett thought the craziness wrote on an almost near daily basis was alright and put this rather confusion invitation to rebel on his blog. Written by yours truly. *finger-guns* But I mean, if you want to check it out, please do. 🙂

NaNo is going just… splendidly.

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I haven’t written anything substantial in exactly 3 days. 3! Days! No! Actual! Good! Plot! 😀 YAY! No, that’s not sarcasm at all. *sighs* I don’t know. Last time I had a very clear idea of how I wanted to take A/B/Normal but this is an entirely different thing and.. yeah. It’s weird. But it’s also cool, cause I get to watch videos about script writing and CIA spy scenes and what not, and if you were at the superstore and saw a completely absorbed-in-green-notebook kid with an inside out shirt and a backwards cap, that was me. I was busy doing some mad plotting. And y’know, totally didn’t whack into a rack of dresses. But I’ll get there, just make me delete my tabs. 😛

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Honestly, I haven’t been writing as much as I’d thought I would cause I’ve been busy living. Weird, I know. But I actually went outside. And watched the stars. And roasted a marshmallow. And celebrated Canada Day by making weird edits of my brother. And road trips and walking barefoot at 12 am seeing fireworks and all that summer stuff that has got to be some of the most foreign things to be experienced. But they’re so worth it too.

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And it’s kinda that Owl City song that goes “these are our times, this is our time to shine” because that’s the vibe I’m getting. It’s summer and I tried applying for a library job only to have my dad sigh because I wrote my creds in pencil when it shoulda be pen. it’s summer and I can hop into a gas station, buy a popsicle, and talk to the guy in front of me like we’ve known each other all out lives and didn’t just meet on the road. It’s summer and I sing Waving Through a Window out of a window, kinda sorta hoping someone did hear.

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It’s summer and I laugh because of a friend.

It’s summer and I cry for the same reason.

It’s summer. It’s summer. It’s summer. And now I’m worried out of my head that I’m stealing a writing style, maybe two writing styles, when I swear I don’t mean to.

It’s summer and I have a crazy list of books to read.

It’s summer and I want to do hard things even though I don’t want to do hard things. I wanna see Hidden Figures.

It’s summer. It’s summer! Think of the possibilities!

But then I remember I haven’t commented on at least 5 posts from bloggers I really admire and then I haven’t updated that fanpage in like ever and I still have that dratted algebra intensive and so many things I promised I’d do and have to do and then I feel up a stump.

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But y’know, maybe that’s okay. Because it all means that there’s so much life to be lived, and when you’re me or when you’re you, that’s really important. That’s so important.

I miss my sister. I miss a lot of people I wanted to see this summer but I can’t. I miss my gramps figure. I wish I got to know him better. I miss a lot of people for a lot of reasons. Would they be okay with me living happily without them? With living a chapter of my life with them not playing big roles in it? I hope so.

I really hope nobody minds that I’m like.. doing okay. I think they wouldn’t. I don’t know for sure.

My life is just one big mindtrip and I’m just stopping for the pit stop. It’s cheesy. It’s so self-centered too, and I wish it wasn’t. But that’s all I have for you today. No deep words (unless you count the semi-close ones at Sovereign Swag but). No great writing snippets. No cool plots. Just me. I hope I’m enough. Is that just me or?

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But hey, maybe this July, we can be enough. 🙂

That would be enough.